Martini Quotes

"I'm not talking a cup of cheap gin splashed over an ice cube.

I'm talking satin, fire and ice; Fred Astaire in a glass; surgical cleanliness, insight.. comfort; redemption and absolution. I'm talking MARTINI.


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

When Not To Drink A Martini

      In a previous post, I listed the Top 10 things that one may do while enjoying a Martini and I thought as a follow up, I should consider some times when imbibing my favorite beverage may not be the most appropriate thing to do.  As sacrilegious as this may sound, there are occasions when hoisting that conical glass of icy cold gin and vermouth to one's lips needs to be resisted because, it truly is not the right time or place.  The lofty peak of elegance and exclusivity upon which the Martini stands necessarily means that there will be situations that do not suit it's character and in fact, we will only develop a finer appreciation of the Martini just because of it's absence and our abstinence.  

1. Sporting Events 
Sports and Martinis simply don't mix well. Whether it be a Superbowl party, attending a Boston College tailgate or any number of sporting venues, stick to your beer and ale. Crafting a Martini in such instances is akin to wearing a tuxedo to go to dinner at McDonald's.  

2. Camping 
Enjoyment of the great outdoors such as fishing, hiking, hunting and the like provide much the same feeling of serene warmth simply without the alcohol. Take it all in, breathe deeply.  Perhaps by the fire after dinner, a gin and tonic, a scotch, or a beer will fit the bill. Having to pack all the necessities for making a Martini are a bit burdensome.  I think I could make an exception in the case of an African safari. A chilled Martini after a day of lion hunting might just work,"Time for your Martini, Bwana" -it has a certain appeal.  

3. The Morning 
Res ipsa loquitor- for those of you who are not proficient in Latin, or not of the legal trade, simply put, it translates to "the thing speaks for itself".  Enjoy the rising sun with a cup of coffee and save the Martini for dinner time.

4. Traveling
The problem with planes, trains, and boats is not so much the atmosphere, as the logistics.  For one thing, the Gin selection is typically limited and for another, the people making the drinks are not mixologists by trade.  This is a recipe for a bad Martini.  I can't remember a flight without some turbulence and while I might not cry over spilt milk, I would certainly not be happy about a spilt Martini.

5. Beach
While vacationing in Italy last year, I ordered a Martini on the beach at my hotel in Positano.  It was exceptionally well made.  I believe it may have been the lemon twist from the fresh lemons which the Amalfi Coast is so famous for, or maybe it was the vermouth that did not have to cross the ocean and sit in a warehouse for months.  Whatever the reason, the taste was spot on. Despite this, I could just not enjoy it as I should.  Wind, waves, and sand just do not make for the proper Martini setting. 

6. Mathematics
While you can certainly enjoy a Martini reading or writing, arithmetic or anything requiring calculations of a scientific manner would not be prudent.  Martinis lend one towards "right brain" processes.  I have not thought of this previously, but I wonder if there is a connection between handedness and Martini enthusiasm.  Being left handed, and consequently a bit sinister, I need to consider this concept a bit more...

7. Yard Work 
When the icy claws of winter loosen her frigid grip, those landscaping projects which have been ruminating in my imagination for the long cold months are thrust into action. Naturally all that hard sweat and tears needs to be replenished with a cold beverage. This is just the spot for an ice cold beer.  The Martini would have been useful in the inspirational planning and creative stage. See Above #6

8. Church or School Socials
These events are typically beer and wine affairs and don't really rise to the level of say a cocktail party.  The last thing you want is to toss back a few Martinis before talking to junior's teachers or Father Bob.

9. Negotiations 
It is common in post anesthesia instructions to tell the patient not to drive, operate heavy machinery, or make any important decisions for 24 hours.  I can tell you that the 24 hour part is totally arbitrary, but the general concept that one might not be in full control of their faculties for a time after some powerful mind altering substances have been introduced into the body is a sound one.  A similar suggestion should be implied with the Martini.  You don't want to enter into any negotiation, monetary or otherwise, after indulging in some Martini sampling.  The only exception here is when you are certain that your opponent has had more than you, ceding the upper hand.  I believe this is how the 3 Martini lunch came to be.

10. _________________
Well, that is nine that I could think of.  I left out the obvious ones like drinking and driving, and drinking Martinis at work. If there are any other suggestions, let me hear from you...........

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